Happy Working Song
by Bumblebee'sFanFemme
Summary: Sideswipe witnesses something that will forever be burned in his processor. Purely a stupid crack fic.


**Alright, I was pretty hyper and I came up with the peice of crud story. It's really really weird, and probably only funny to me, but I thought I'd post it anyways. I swear my other crack fics are funnier than this. Scouts honor. :) Please Review!**

It was a sunny day at Diego Garcia. The sky was a crisp bright blue and the few clouds in the sky were being blown along by a soft cool breeze.

Sideswipe was enjoying the warm day parked on the back lot of the military base soaking up the sun's rays. His engine occasionally purred lazily as a sign of how much he was enjoying this.

_Man, _Sideswipe thought, _I'm sure glad we didn't blow up their sun…_

As enjoyable as this was, Sideswipe couldn't help but think that his day had been pretty boring so far. Without his brother Sunstreaker here, pranks weren't nearly as fun. Ratchet was never good company for the young mech, but that was usually because he was in the med bay when he managed to do something stupid. Ironhide was fun to spar with, but since his mate, Chromia, landed he's been spending all his free time with her doing Pit knows what. Optimus has been working all day with the human's government officials and that new liaison, Gullewog, Galloway, whatever. His engine revved. Oh, Primus, how he'd love to step on that little fragger. The littler twins were just too hard to be around for more than five seconds without wanting to shake them aggressively and yell: "WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!" Then of course you couldn't forget Bumblebee, who was always playing guardian with that little human that screams like a human femme. Sideswipe shuddered. He didn't know it was possible for his voice to go that high…

Sideswipe sighed, and began unfolding and shifting until he was standing on his feet. _Guess I'll go find Jolt. _

"Where the slag is that bot?" grumbled the annoyed silver Corvette.

He had been looking for Jolt was over an hour now, and still hadn't found a single trace of the assistant medic. Sideswipe swore quietly as he passed the blue mech's room again; he must've searched the entire base at least twice! Growling, he stubbornly trudged back outside. The silver mech scanned the area, looking for a place Jolt could possibly be. That's when his optics landed on the wooded area that covered the hills east of the base. The trees were thick and obviously tall enough to hide the Autobots.

Sideswipe shrugged, "What the Pit, got no where else to look."

He glided forward on his wheeled feet and when he reached the edges of woods, carefully stepped on to the dirt.

That's when things got weird.

As soon as he stepped on to the dirt path, the chirping of birds filled his audio receptors, and small furry organic animals squeaked and ran up the trees. Sideswipe slowly slide his sword out, just incase they decided to swarm him like they did Sam.

"_Sam! Just give them the damn acorns!"_

_Sam dashed across the yard clutching the bucket of acorns to his chest. "No Mikeala, I found them! They're mine!"_

_Mikeala sighed angrily. "Why do you even need them?! Do you not see the angry swarm of squirrels chasing you?"_

_The boy began climbing up on to the garage roof, while throwing rocks at the angry squirrels below. "THEY'RE MINE!" _

_The black haired girl face palmed, and then glared at the shaking form of the Camaro next to her. "Are you seriously not going to do anything? Your charge is on the garage roof fighting off SQUIRRELS."_

_The sound of the Jaws theme song flowed from its speakers. "Oh you're not serious!" she yelled, "You're a freakin' alien robot and you're afraid of squirrels! This is pathetic!"_

_Suddenly, an ear piercing scream rang through the air, causing the garage window to break. The squirrels all fell on the ground clutching their ears and squealing._

"_My ears! The acorn demon is burning our ears!" A fat squirrel screeched. _

"_Run for your furry lives!" The squirrels quickly got up and ran as fast as possible to the woods behind Sam's house._

_Mikeala stared dumb founded at where the rodents had just been. "Did they just talk…?"_

_Sam cackled. "I TOLD YOU THEY WERE MINE!" _

Sideswipe kept on walking through the woods, occasionally calling out Jolt's name, but never got any response. After it seemed to Sideswipe that Jolt was not out here, he decided to turn back. He turned around, but didn't see the path.

"What the frag…" He muttered while swerving around to look in all different directions.

"Where'd the stupid trail go?!"

Just when Sideswipe thought things couldn't get any weirder, they did.

Sideswipe's attention was turned to a sound he heard up ahead. To him, it sounded like that Disney music Ironhide had been humming all day after babysitting Annabelle. Even though he had a feeling he'd regret it, he slowly walked towards the sound.

As he walked forward, he saw even more squirrels running around and birds flying above him. Growling slightly as a bunch of birds ran into the side of his head, he walked a bit faster. A deer popped out of woods suddenly, and began prancing next to him with a creepy looking smile on his face.

"Good Afternoon, Sideswipe!" It sang while running ahead of him.

"How the Pit do you know my name?!"

Sideswipe was beyond scared now, but nothing could have prepared him for what he saw next.

The trail had stopped in the middle of a clearing of bright flowers. Animals were flying and running around everywhere, and in the middle of the clearing was a gigantic cottage big enough for him to fit in. He then noticed the music was coming from inside the house.

"I'm gonna regret this…" He muttered to himself as he walked towards the house. He raised a hang to knock on the door, when all of a sudden the door burst open, making him jump backwards and fall on the ground.

"What the-"

His sentence was interrupted by deer and chipmunks skipping out of house humming and whistling, with a giant blue robot prancing after them.

"All right everyone, time to tidy things up!" Jolt said. He spun around, making the bright pink apron he was wearing twirl.

The music began playing again, and to Sideswipe's horror, Jolt began singing.

"_Come my little friends As we all sing a happy little working song  
Merry little voices clear and strong  
Come and roll your sleeves up  
So that we can pitch in  
Cleaning crud up in the kitchen  
As we sing along"_

Jolt and the chipmunks went around the field picking up trash on the ground and tossing them in trash bags the birds were holding.

"_We'll keep singing without fail__  
__Otherwise we'd spoil it__  
__Hosing down the garbage pail __  
__And scrubbing up the toilet__  
__Ooh!"_

Sideswipe winced as Jolt hit the high note, which sounded screechy, but the animals went on like they heard nothing. The blue mech skipped over to the house and dusted it off, along with Sideswipes helm and shoulders.

"_How we all enjoy letting loose with a little  
La-da-da-dum-dum  
While we're emptying the vacu-um__  
__It__'__s such fun to hum__  
__A happy working song __  
__Oo-ooh__  
__A happy working song"_

The animals all started humming and whistling, while prancing and dancing in circles around Jolt who was spinning in circles with his hands above his head.

A few raccoons fell out the door; gagging and gasping for air while dirt and dust from the vacuum floated around them.

_"__Oh, how strange a place to be__  
__Till Edward comes for me __  
__My heart is sighing__  
__Still, as long as I am here  
I guess a new experience  
Could be worth trying"_

He suddenly glared at an opossum who was sitting on the ground by a bunch of towels reading Sports Illustrated. _  
_

"_Hey! Keep drying!"_

Sideswipe felt his processor fritz. "Who the hell is Edward?"

"_You could do a lot when you got  
Such a happy little tune to hum  
While you're sponging up the soapy scum__  
__We adore each filthy chore __  
__That we determine__  
__So friends even though you're vermin__  
__We're a happy working song_"

When Jolt sang vermin, a chipmunk hoped on his shoulder, only to be flicked off, and with a loud squeak flew far into the woods.

"_Singing as we fetch the detergent box  
Or the smelly shirts and the stinky socks  
Sing along"_

Sideswipe screamed and covered his optics when a bunch of dirty socks were dumped on his head. "Argh! It burns!"

_"If you cannot sing then hum along  
As we're finishing our happy working song!_"

The last note seemed to be held forever, but when Jolt finally put his hands down and sighed, the animals all pranced and flew away.

"Ah...wasn't this fun?" Jolt sighed to himself.

Sideswipe groaned and fell back on to the ground, feeling his processor on the brink of frying. Jolt's helm whipped over and he squealed when he saw Sideswipe sitting there. He walked over and got the laundry off his head.

"Uh…hey, Sideswipe…"

Sideswipe merely stared at him. "What the hell, Jolt."

"YOU WILL NEVER SPEAK OF THIS!"

Ratchet retracted the tools back into his hand, and then pressed a few buttons on Sideswipes helm. "Okay, Sideswipe, wake up ya glitch."

Sideswipe groaned and sat up. "What the frag happened?"

Ratchet rolled his optics. "You apparently fried your processor; Jolt brought you in."

Sideswipe glanced around the room uneasily. "Uh, where is he?"

"He's out on patrol, why?" He asked suspiciously.

"Oh!" Sideswipe jumped up, "No reason, uh I'm gonna go. See ya Ratchet!"

Ratchet gave him a weird look and watched him walk towards the door. Shrugging, he turned around and began whistling the tune he had heard Jolt humming when he dropped off Sidewipe.

"Ahh!"

Ratchet spun around at the scream to see Sideswipe fall into fetal position and begin rocking back and forth. "Animals don't sing. Animals don't sing. Animals don't si-" The panicked mech fell silent as the clang of a wrench hitting metal echoed around the room.

"Guess I got more work to do on that fraggers processor…"

Well? Horrible? Weird? WTF worthy? Let me know! :)


End file.
